I was hoping to share some photos from our St. Patrick’s Day activities at the parade in Cleveland. And I will in a future post. Our friends host a fantastic tailgater where we enjoy breakfast burritos and toasted corned beef sandwiches!
And yes, they even made some type of Flag of Ireland liqueur shots.
If you ever want to learn a little about the pop culture messages that are being pumped into our teens heads, turn on the car radio. That is what I did today and heard the song “We Are Young.” Now I like the song – I enjoy the melody, but as I was hearing some of the lyrics, I could only picture that poor girl from Steubenville being carried like a dead body by the football players. Look at the lyrics:
Give me a second, I
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom
Getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she is waiting for me
Just across the bar,
My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses
Asking ’bout a scar
I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you’re trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
And the holes in my apologies
You know I’m trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down I’ll carry you home
Tonight,
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
Tonight,
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
Now I know that I’m not
All that you got
I guess that I,
I just thought,
Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let’s raise the cup
‘Cause I found someone to carry me home
Tonight,
We are young
So let’s the set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
Tonight,
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
Carry me home tonight
(La la la la la la)
Just carry me home tonight
(La la, la la la la la la)
Carry me home tonight
(La la la la la la)
Just carry me home tonight
(The world is on my side, )
Carry me home tonight
(I have no reason to run, )
Just carry me home tonight
(So will someone come and carry me home tonight?)
The angels never arrived,
But I can hear the choir
So will someone come and carry me home
Tonight,
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
Tonight,
We are young
So let’s set the world on fire
We can burn brighter
Than the sun
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I’ll carry you home,
Tonight.
I really have no idea what the song means. But hearing those words about “carry me home….” made me think about the messages being sent.
Flashback to St. Pat’s Day. We usually stay “uptown” where the crowds are family friendly. As I was enjoying the parade from my curbside chair, I became aware of a young man standing behind me and a young girl – too drunk to walk across the parade route, apparently – being escorted by an older woman. The woman had helped her across the street. My first reaction was I hope she doesn’t throw up on me. The boy was grateful and thanked the woman. But I couldn’t help thinking – ok, saying to my daughter – that that’s a date rape waiting to happen.
I suppose that makes me guilty of a form of slut shame or drunk shame? Or maybe it makes me part of the bystander effect. I don’t know who the boy is. It could have been her brother, I suppose. But I couldn’t help thinking that she no longer had control of herself. Her night could end up the same as Steubenville if that boy she was with is as inhuman as those football players were.
I know we aren’t supposed to blame the victims and we aren’t supposed to blame the way women dress. But seeing this girl in the condition she was in? What should I say to my girls? My boys?
We send a lot of messages to our kids. A lot of mixed messages. Alcohol abuse is a huge problem. I was a teen. I had 5 siblings. We weren’t angels (ok, I was….). I enjoy wine, but I enjoy it responsibly. Maybe I learned from my older siblings….or maybe I’m just a control freak – but I could never imagine drinking to the point of losing control.
One of my first date dances in colleges was a blind date set up by a friend. It was in the dorm and every floor had a different theme and different drink. By the time we got down to the main floor for dancing, my date was drunk. I was not enjoying dancing so we finally made it back to his suite. He went to the bathroom – and never came back. His roommates were laughing and I knew what happened. So I asked my friend to walk me home. I believe he called to apologize but I wasn’t too forgiving. Rite of passage?
Kids – and adults – make mistakes. I understand that. But I hear the messages a little differently. The messages I’m sending, the message our music is sending, the messages on tv. We’ve come a long way since the first rap song, “Rapper’s Delight.” that my girlfriends and I spent English class in high school trying to determine the lyrics to. There’s a lot of lyrics and maybe not all that great, either – but tame by today’s standards!
Is it wrong to teach my girls to respect themselves and take the high road? (OK, not that high….) Is it wrong for them to tell their friends when they think their behavior might get them into trouble? When does tolerance and acceptance cross over into bystander effect? These are not simple questions and there are not easy answers. But I’d rather my girls err on the side of caution. If nothing else, this sad story has enabled a lot of opportunity for discussions.
